Every Breath I Take

What a freeing new day!!! So I went to an interview today for Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, it went really well I think. It's for a location inside of a mall so the hours a great nothing super early or way late and its only about an hour or so on the bus. I remember not too long ago, maybe even a week ago when I had this negative outlook on everything I did and then my amazing sponsor helped me shift my perspective and I have to say life is a lot better from this vantage point.

I can honestly say that today I am proud of myself. I took direction about my apparel (I was wearing all black and had on a pink tie which changed to a classic blue and black stripped tie) as one of the staff members said "Sugar I know you love being you, but lets get the job first" I hated hearing that but I listened and changed the tie because that's what I do now I take direction. I asked for help in picking the new tie because I just was unsure which one would be best because for me I love colour and I just don't quite get the whole subdued respectful sober man look yet. I am still learning that look but what I realized is once I have a job and am working I will be wearing my work uniform and then outside of work I can dress however I please and can have my own style. That is all part of doing the deal, taking the steps and just doing the next indicated step. Part of being Jacob a gay sober man is learning who Jacob is. I remember I used to say I want to be super thin with platinum blonde hair, well that's changed now I am keeping my dark blonde hair and I want to start working out and building muscle because that's what I want for my life now. One of the best decisions I have made was starting to take testosterone, I was so afraid of it for so many years I was afraid it was going to turn me into this person I would hate but really I a liking the person I am becoming. Its not just the testosterone either that is making all the changes. I am doing the work, facing my fears, owning my judgements of myself and of others,  I try the new unfamiliar things. I have so many people to thank for helping me on this journey, the Van Ness Recovery House, its director and staff, my sponsor, peers and support group but most of all I have to thank my Higher Power for giving me the strength, willingness, open mindedness, honesty, and patience to do this. Because of this EVERY breath I take is one breath closer to a new life and a new freedom.

Because Life is Worth More!!!

So it has been quite some time since I have taken the time to post on here and the main reason for that is I have been in treatment for alcoholism. I have been here for almost 7 months now. Why you may ask not just go back to the rooms of A.A. well because I knew that this time I really needed something more. This program is based on the 12 steps and A.A. but I needed the intense program to get my life back on track. Life is worth so much more to me then throwing it away on drugs and alcohol. I am building a new life for myself now in Los Angeles with new friends and reconnecting with a few friends here that I met years ago. Life is meant to be full of joy, laughter, peace, compassion, feeling, and most of all we are meant to be present for life. That's what I get to do now is be present for LIFE!!!! I have some many blessings to be grateful for, my health, my sobriety, my family and friends, an amazing sponsor and support group and most of all I have a Higher Power that loves me no matter what. I could not ask for anything more.

Right now I am in the middle of job search trying to find a sober job something to just get me started on my new life here. I had one interview yesterday that went really well which lead to a second interview tomorrow at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. I am super excited about it. I came home from my interview to be surprised by my sponsor who was celebrating his birthday that he was taking me to Disneyland for the rest of the day. It was such a gift and so much fun. I was honored to spend his birthday with him. He is such a blessing in my life, he challenges me to do the things I would normally just avoid but because of it I am seeing real growth and change in my life. All I can say is its all because Life is worth so very much more!!!

So my advice is simply this: "Be present in the here and now because this now is the most important now there is."