Every Breath I Take

What a freeing new day!!! So I went to an interview today for Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, it went really well I think. It's for a location inside of a mall so the hours a great nothing super early or way late and its only about an hour or so on the bus. I remember not too long ago, maybe even a week ago when I had this negative outlook on everything I did and then my amazing sponsor helped me shift my perspective and I have to say life is a lot better from this vantage point.

I can honestly say that today I am proud of myself. I took direction about my apparel (I was wearing all black and had on a pink tie which changed to a classic blue and black stripped tie) as one of the staff members said "Sugar I know you love being you, but lets get the job first" I hated hearing that but I listened and changed the tie because that's what I do now I take direction. I asked for help in picking the new tie because I just was unsure which one would be best because for me I love colour and I just don't quite get the whole subdued respectful sober man look yet. I am still learning that look but what I realized is once I have a job and am working I will be wearing my work uniform and then outside of work I can dress however I please and can have my own style. That is all part of doing the deal, taking the steps and just doing the next indicated step. Part of being Jacob a gay sober man is learning who Jacob is. I remember I used to say I want to be super thin with platinum blonde hair, well that's changed now I am keeping my dark blonde hair and I want to start working out and building muscle because that's what I want for my life now. One of the best decisions I have made was starting to take testosterone, I was so afraid of it for so many years I was afraid it was going to turn me into this person I would hate but really I a liking the person I am becoming. Its not just the testosterone either that is making all the changes. I am doing the work, facing my fears, owning my judgements of myself and of others,  I try the new unfamiliar things. I have so many people to thank for helping me on this journey, the Van Ness Recovery House, its director and staff, my sponsor, peers and support group but most of all I have to thank my Higher Power for giving me the strength, willingness, open mindedness, honesty, and patience to do this. Because of this EVERY breath I take is one breath closer to a new life and a new freedom.