It ain't right!!!!

I am in so much emotional pain right now it feels like someone ripped my heart to shreds. So what changed between my last post and now? I was accussed of lieing and intentionally posting a photo that was not my own. First I was accussed by the artist of knowing that it was theirs and I still used it then they realized I wouldn't knowingly do that but they still stood by that I knew it was not a shot of my own. Truth is I believed it was my own work if I did not I would have never processed it and posted it. So being called a liar really hurts and not being heard hurts. This person during all of this tells me they can no longer fill the role they have filled in my life for the last 2+ months which hurt because and I will stand by this till my dieing breath they made up their mind that I lied and they were and as far as I know still are unwilling to believe otherwise. So all of this was happening via text message until I sent a text that to me stated my shock and the fact that I just could not believe their reaction based on what seems to be their belief. Well they called me and as we were talking they still in my opinion were not willing to hear the truth because they had made their mind up. They threw out accusations one of which was that I have a fear of succeeding. Which they bolstered with a comment along the lines of "you ask me if I think you are like Bethenny, and I have to say no your too afraid to succeed" That to me was a very low blow because they know how much I look up to her. They talked about us needing more boundries and to me it felt like I was being told I do not respect him and that I take up too much of his time. By the end of the conversation all I could say was uh huh and he said are you alright and I was honest and said "Im trying to not have an emtional breakdown on the phone and to not say something im going to regret or have to make amends for" I was reduced to tears on my front porch by someone I trust with my life and sobriety. There is this part of me who keeps say Natalia this is all your fault. Well when it comes to the photo this is what I can tell you, my eye is not trained to notice the things that were pointed out to me, once i was told what I was looking for I noticed them but until that moment I had not noticed them. I feel like this person completely reacted and because of their actions I feel like I am the bad guy when I did not knowingly do anything. When it was brought to my attention that it was a piece of their work and please take it down I did just that stopping what I was doing. The photo was taken down in less then a minute. I corrected my mistake and then proceeded to allow myself to be disrespected, if it was anyone else acting the way he acted I would have gone off on them and not let them speak to me the way he did but I coward in the corner I tried to get my point across but I was and still am stunned that he would even think these things about me. So I hung up with him and just sat outside and cried before I came in to eat because I didn't need 10 people seeing me cry. I ate dinner and then I called my old friend and former sponsor and I told them what happened and read them every text that was sent back and forth word for word so that they would know what I was talking about. They said hunny do what you have to do to get it out listen to music, journal, blog, go to a meeting, make some more calls but do not call this person until you have worked through your emotions because this is an amends you do not need to make. Its funny I have never had a time like this with this person where the feelings of hurt, anger, and resentment have not subsided quickly and right now they just seem to be burning strong. There is a lyric in a song called House is Not a Home and it says
"In these rooms we were together
But now were so far apart
We should of tried to make it better
But then you went and left and torn up my heart"

As far as I know this person does not wish to continue in the capacity that he has been in my life and right now it makes me so sad because Im not sure I would have grown this much without him. Seriously tears again???? Motherfucker!!!! I don't want to cry over this but I'm not sure he is coming back. I wish I didn't feel so attacked right now. I wish he hadn't made the comment about me not being like Bethenny because Im so hurt by that. I wasn't attacking him I was awestruck that he would have the thoughts about me he was having I had to defend myself and not once did I make a negative comment about him. I just kept saying your kidding your joking I was so amazed. I do not let people hurt me like this anymore and yet I let him hurt me. His remarks cut deep and there is a part of me that believes he intentionally choose words and comments that would hurt me. It felt like a vicious attack. I would have rather been physically assaulted then verbally. I am trying so hard not to just pick up the phone and cuss him out and make him feel how I feel but I will not do that. I now have had a trusted friend read this blog entry before posting to make sure I will not have to go back and make an amends in the future and he said I would not because it is just me stating facts and how those facts have influenced my feelings. Below you will find the full lyrics to "House is Not a Home" by Deborah Cox

I walk through these halls but nothing feels the same
Where we once made our lives, it’s now so empty
The same paint is on the walls
The same songs, I use to sing alone
We’d run through the night but now it’s so cold (so cold)

Oh, this house is not a home
Cuz love don’t live here anymore (since you been gone)
I never felt this all alone since you went away
Cuz this house is not a home (love don’t live here)
Why don’t it feel like it felt before?
I know you’re never coming back
This time is it over? (over)

I look in the mirror and you’re still standing there
It’s just an illusion of what use to be
So I lay in the bed we shared
Where we made love a million times I swear
Can’t face the truth that you moved on, you’re gone

Oh, this house is not a home
Cuz love don’t live here anymore (since you been gone)
I never felt this all alone since you went away
Cuz this house is not a home (love don’t live here no more)
Why don’t it feel like it felt before?
I know you’re never coming back
This time is it over? (over)

*Bridge*
In these rooms we were together
But now were so far apart
We should of tried to make it better
But then you went and left and torn up my heart
When you left
No no no
(Love don’t live here)
(Since you been gone)
(It’s so lonely)
(When you coming home?)
(Love don’t live here)
Love don’t live here anymore
(Since you been gone)
Since you went away baby why didn’t you stay?
I’m alone now, it’s so lonely baby
Since you went away
It’s not the same
Is it over? Is it over?
Am I right? Am I right? Am I right?