Sometimes a song touches me so deeply it can literally bring me to my knees in tears and "You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" sung by Cher from the movie Burelesque is one of those ongs. I had not heard the song in about 2 weeks and having learned so much and grown so much that it struck a chord hard this evening. Truth be told this last month has been one of the hardest experiences I have been through. I came to florida feeling very broken and clinging to what little life I felt I had left in me. I have come to learn I have so much life in me that at times it overflows. My spirit deep in me is so very strong and can withstand so much. I may be rebuilding my life and it may not look like it used to. It's no longer about the glitz and glamour lets leave that for the stage. Some may even say I have been knocked down and even if I have I will get back up again. I would like to believe that I have already begun that process. I know when it comes to my sobriety I have never felt stronger and that is because I have much more willingness then I EVER had before. If my sponsor suggests I do something or gives me an assignment even tells me where he see's I might want to take a look and make some changes, I do what he says and if it works awesome and it has worked thus far honestly I have yet to have an experience where I have had to say I tried it and it didn't work. So what if I am down, I would much rather be down and rebuilding then be up and miserable. I have so much fun learning how to improve my life and staying aware of my motives and actions. I am so far from giving up. It is the hard times that teach us so much if we take the time to pay attention. I believe my Higher Power sent my Sponsor to me to give me a wake up call because she knew I was ready. I was brought all the way down to my knees even at a year sober and I was finally ready to learn what I needed to. Everyday am challenged to stay strong with my beliefs and needs no matter what I may loose. I may loose my family, some friends, my home, all my possesions thing is if I stay sober I can gain those things or better. The first thing I must do is to not put a drink or a drug into my body. It has been speculated that I won't stay around. I can see why I never have. This is my truth: you don't know me or what my intentions are, you don't know what my desires and dreams are. I know what I want for my life. Some people say that I will flip-flop back to boy again. I am here to say that I am not going to. This is it ladies and gentleman and those of you who have yet to decide. You really haven't seen the last of me. I am going to do all the footwork I have to. I will get my life back to full functioning capacity and I am well on my way. I hope these lyrics touch you as much as they touch my heart.
XOXO,
Natalia
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